Frustrations.. =/

Haayy...


A little frustrated at the moment.. Darn... Its so ard to accept that.. Simple dreams was not meant to be.. And even if.. We tried so hard to reach it.. If fate wasn't on your side then there is no way that you could achieve it.. And the hardest part was.. The only thing you can do about it is to ACCEPT it.. Ahay..

Sobrang..

Frustrated aku..

Kagabe.. I spent hours just looking at the ceiling as my eyes continue to betray me..

Para akung sira ulo.. But what else could I do.. Darn it.. That was all I could do..

I don't know for how long.. I tried to get the things that I want without any help from my superiors.. Lahat..

Tell me I am selfish to get my dreams.. At kung puwersado man well.. Its my business.. But no matter how hard I try.. Kahit anung pilit ku... Kahit anung gawin ku ayaw ibigay saken...

Ang hirap kasi.. I've been trying very hard to achieve it.. Its hard to breath whenever I remember..

Pero at the end of the day.. I will end up with nothing.. *sigh*

Nakakafrustrate.. Na I just wanted to have it now.. Pero ayaw.. Kahit anung pilit ku.. kahit anu pang gawin kung paraan.. No use.. Because Fate is not on my side and it hurts..

What's wrong about dreaming? Simple dreams from me isn't so hard to get for others.. Pero bakit hangang naun.. why is it that..

Its not working for me..

My superiors are not supportive for what I want..
Iniisip nila.. I can get it pag may trabaho na aku..
Pero.. Paano ku tatangapin yun kung iyon ang gusto ku naun..
Iniisip nila Arte ku lang yun.. Pero hindi arte yun.. Pangarap ku yun.. Mababaw na nga lang pangarap ku.. Hindi pa sila supportive na ibigay yun..
Siguro iisipin niyo na npaka spoiled brat ku.. pero hindi totoo yun..

Coz if that is the case.. Ehh di sana.. Lahat ng gusto ku nakuha ku na.. Ehh hindi naman.. Hmpf.. It just hurts alot to think that I can never have it.. NOW..

And I am badly trying all I could.. But it won't work... I don't want to think na hindi meant to be.. Because if I can think of other plans to make it happen..

Then somehow.. Iniisip ku baka I can make it happen.. Pero I cut short all time.. Coz hindi ku kaya lahat ng aku lang mag isa..

I tried to make things or my dreams happen.. Pero ang hirap when there is none who would help...

I feel all the unluckiness in the world (If there is such word..)

May palaging nag sasabi sakin... Makuntento daw aku sa kung anong meron aku.. And be thankful..

Yes.. I can't say that I am not thankful.. Of course I am.. I got more than what I deserve sometimes.. But.. Is it so bad to ask for what I really want? To make actions for what I truly want?

Is that so bad? I am thankful.. Of course I am.. but all I ever wanted is to make it my dream happen and I am doing something about it...

Its just that its so hard to deal with it.. It upsets me.. That I was on this by my own without anyone to support me..

Ayokong isipin na di sila supportive.. But I hate it when they say na tsaka ku na lang gawin if I have the job..

Ugh.. I feel lost again and alone at the same time.. Coz they are not encouraging me nor offering something to me..

Bakit ba kasi aku di pinanganak na mayaman ehh.. Hmpf..

Not that I hate my life so much.. Its just that it hurts to think that I can't have the things I really wanted.. And no one is encouraging me to get it..

I get insecure alot or sensitive about my so called dreams.. Usually.. umiiyak aku and I would be so upset..

Not that I blame someone because I can't reach it..
Sabi nga nila.. Wag na ipilit kung hindi rin kaya..

Honestly kaya naman ehh.. They just don't make other plans for that.. Samantalang yung ibang tao.. Nagawa ng paraan.. But not with my superiors..

iniisip nila na mas madaming importanteng bagay than having what I want..
Di ku hinihingi na.. Ibigay nila sakin yun right away because I was never demanding..

gusto ku lang maramdaman na kahit kunti may mag sasabi sakin na:

"Hayaan mo, gagawa tayo ng paraan"

Wala talaga! Haay.. Upset na nga aku.. Di man lang aku ma comfort.. Nakakatakot na din mag voice out ng gusto mo kung alam mo naman sa huli na wala naman makikinig... Walang gagawa ng paraan for you.. Walang susuporta.. Haayy.. (Umiiyak nanaman aku)

Ang hirap lang kasi.. Parang "MY NEVER"

Something that I dreamed that I could never have...

Anu pa nga ba.. Sometimes they would ask questions..Anu ba daw yung bagay na pinaka gugustuhin aku na magiging masaya aku..

I have heard it a million times already.. Ayoko na sumagot dahil every time I answer that stupid question..

I will ended up with expecting na maybe.. I could finally get what I want coz.. Lagi nila sasabihin na "Promise" which laging napapako.. Darn!!

Hanggang kelan ba aku aasa?
Puro pangakong napapako lang naririnig ku and then they'll end up contradicting.. Ahhayy..

Nakaka frustrate lang..

But there is something that temps me now.. And that is to live a Ostentatious lifestyle.. Its tempting... Hard to resist.. Honestly.. I can see myself already giving in because I am desperate.. Especially now.. But I thought of this:

"Its hard to resist an ostentatious life especially when someone is offering to you... to have that kind of lifestyle.. But the only thing that can hold you back is the fact that you already have a life with someone else that you treasure the most.."

Might as well to resist than to imagine myself a life without him..
He was one of the reason why I still wake up in the morning...

Haaayy.. Wish I could have him close.. And he knows who he is.. =/

I miss you already.. Just stay with me and I will be fine.. I guess..

Trying to recover from this frustration.. Ahhaayy..



Kitinn...