Brings back the Memories.. ^_^

Last night.. I was so into application sa Facebook coz I anticipated that may Bagyo nanaman papasok sa Pinas!! Santi! Curse you! Gggrrr!!

Bad trip.. Anu ba meron dito at prone na tayo sa bagyo?

Climate change talaga.. Malapit na ba magunaw ang mundo??

Aruy!! Ang corny ku.. Hahahaha!! But its kinda True.. Climate change is really happening.. =/

Anyhow.. I was re doing my blog last night.. I think its morning na coz I started to do my act around 1am in the morning..

I was really waiting for someone na mag confirm ng author request ku sa NetworkedBlogs and I needed one more approval.. ASAP.. So I was waiting for him na mag confirm and that two notification will appear sa notification board ku sa baba.. Which..

Didn't happen.. That sucks.. Ugh..

Anyway.. I didn't lose hope.. Kasi I needed to be authorized na with my blog.. But I was holding it back to ask him since I ask for the favor..Hmpf.. Aku pa nahiya.. =p


So I don't want to be imapatient and all.. So I just re modeled my blog..

Honestly.. Facebook played a big role when you are looking for someone..
Old friends.. Missing in action friends..

All is actually using it now.. Its funny coz somehow it can make people reconnect again..

I was multi tasking of course.. And I was taking a look at the list of those people who is Online..

Kunti na lang yung Online coz its Late already.. I noticed someone who was still online..


I saw Rachel Madiam was still Online.. =p

Rachel and I.. Close kami niyan.. 1st year and 2nd year Highschool...

Haayy.. We fight alot way back.. Pero mag kaibigan kami talaga.. Its funny how things turned out to be..

Dati.. When I was in 1st year.. They would misunderstood me.. Well.. Its not so hard to understand why..

I AM WEIRD.. =p


I have a circle of friends noon.. Usually.. I would make them fight against me.. Hmpf.. Its funny.. Bata pa aku maldita effect na aku.. Nu kaya un! hahahaha!!

Anyways.. She stayed to our original friends nung nag mature kami.. Andun parin siya sa mga kaibigan namin nung 1st year.. Honestly.. Its fine with me na di na nila aku kasama and that they were just contented with their friendship without me.. I have nothing against that.. ^_^

While me.. I had Bestfriends who is Aileen and Lhia..

Maybe its better that way.. Somehow.. We grew apart but still there is something between us na even if.. We don't belong in the same group.. We still have this connection na mag kakaintindihan pa din kami..

(Reffering To Rachel Of course.. =p)

Through all the years after highschool.. I haven't talked to her..
And I saw her Online sa facebook.. So.. I PMed her..

I asked how was she.. I think she's pretty pa din as always.. ^_^
Based sa pictures sa facebook account niya..

There's something about her na.. Eventhough di kami lagi nag uusap.. I still managed to talk to her na parang.. Di kami nagbago.. Or I can be myself pa din when I talked to her.. I don't need to pretend.. She's close to me din naman way back and she knows who I am.. So I have no worries..

I started catching up with her.. She sounded happy and she needed to fix some papers daw coz she will leave soon for the States.. Yun naman kasi talaga yung huling plano niya the last time I talked to her.. Nag aral din kasi siya sa Perps.. ^_^

I asked her about her personal details.. She did ask me din.. How was I..

It was typical conversation na ginagawa ng old friends of course! Then we started talking about..

HIGH SCHOOL LIFE...

We have news naman about our batchmates.. Some are good news and some are bad news.. (Keeping my mouth shut as promised! =p)

And then we realize one thing.. Sobrang bilis ng panahon.. It seems like yesterday when we were there and then.. Here we are.. Having a life of our own..

Sabi ku nga.. HIGH SCHOOL played a big role of who we are now..
Haayy.. Things will be so different if we weren't there..

And its hilarious remembering Highschool.. Matatawa ka na lang na sasabihin mo na..

"Ginawa ku yun? I look really stupid! =p"

Its funny remembering how immature you are.. But its Ironic.. Coz you'll missed it.. So damn much.. =/

Like you would wish na sana.. Makabalik ka sa mga times where you could laugh with your friends.. Not worrying about life.. You just needed to go to school.. You just needed baon from your parents..

Walang worries.. Walang stress.. You just needed to do what is told.. Kung mag kamali ka man.. You'll have another try tomorrow..

Unlike now.. That you need to do your own decisions and be ready for the consequences.. And you'll miss being just a kid..

I mean.. We are still young but we're not kids anymore..


Both of us were having flashbacks of what really happen nun mga nene pa kami.. Sobrang saya.. Sabi ku nga sana makabalik kami sa mga oras na un.. Kahit one day lang ehh.. And we remember terms that we learned from High School Like:

"Pogeh!"
"Buraot!"

I wish I could.. I wish we could go back..

And be just a typical kid.. Hayy.. I was smiling to myself while I was chatting with her..

Kahit di kami literally magkasama nun magkausap kami.. I felt like our mind is connected the way we looked back at those memories..

We finished our conversation around almost 3am.. Coz I needed to shut down our computer..

While I was saying good night.. I felt it has been so long.. So long since we talked.. And that I missed her.. So much.. I wanna hug her and wanna do the things that we do nung highschool.. Ahaayy.. I really did missed her.. =/

But I know naman na.. I can talk to her next time.. Which I will be expecting.. =p

Sana mag karoon kami nang Grand Reunion and see those familiar faces that I missed.. =)

I may be a brat or stubborn little kid way back but hey!

I have a heart.. *wink*

===CHELZ===

Thank you for the great conversation we had the last time.. Take care of yourself.. Okay?? Its nice talking with you again! Hahaha!! Till next time.. Stay Pretty!! Godbless.. Mwah!! =p



Kitinn...

My crucial feeling.. =/

Haayy..

It was all so rushed yesterday..

Enrollment sucks by the way!! (Pahirapan pa!! Thank God I am not an irregular student.. Tss..)

Hate our sched!! Darn.. If I could just changed it myself..

Hmpf.. Hate it..

Anyhow.. I was prepared for that.. The harder it seems every sem..

Ahaayy.. It was great start Yesterday..

Ang ganda ng simula ng araw ku kahapon... It was fun start..

I was happy.. Coz.. I enrolled with him..

Kasama ko siya.. 8am in the morning pa lang..
Saya saya ku na..
Enrolling wasn't so hard..
Computer system kasi kaya sobrang bilis na.. I was happy..
Kasi.. Its not everyday.. I get to hold the man who made me the best.. Haayyy.. Ang kulet kulet namen nung magkasama kami.. Nag papaluan.. Nag kukurutan..
Naguusap.. Nag kukulitan.. I would stare.. He would stare back..

Para kaming sira sometimes but still...

Looking at him makes me complete every time.. Like.. Having him beside me makes me the best..

I felt everything I want to be whenever I am with him.. My heart was whole.. Lagi naman ganun.. Coz I was happy every time I was with him.. Usually I was overwhelmed.. Ahhayy..

So I was talking to him.. Whenever Kasama ku mga friends tahimik lang siya.. Tahimik which is akward.. Hmpf.. Sanay kasi akung maingay siya ehh.. Madaldal.. Makulet..

It was noon nun.. Kakatapos lang namin kumaen.. We were waiting for Dude.. Andun kami sa Enrolment Center (Auditorium ng school namen)

Malamig dun.. Aircondition was open.. I thought he was cold.. Nakupo kami sa arm chair.. Both of us.. Then he said.. He was just going out.. Sobrang quiet lang siya after lunch.. And I thought he was not feeling well.. I followed him out..

I ask why did he stayed there.. And he asked me.. Why did I followed him.. I said.. I wanted to be with him..

It was an akward silence which I knew what it meant.. Darn..

Haayy.. I told you.. Our realtionship was not so perfect.. We may not argue as most lovers do.. But..

We have our own issues.. I don't want to talk about the issue because it was long gone and it was DEAD GONE.. Darn it..

Anyhow.. I was aking him what's wrong.. And he told me...

"Ang Panget talaga dito sa Perps.."

I know what he meant.. Not that my school is not a good school but he meant something I already knew..

Ahhayyy.. Darn it.. Last August was the most crucial part of our relationship..
He was emotionally in battle with himself.. I can't tell you why..

Its hard to talk about that..

Anyway.. It was dead silent again.. For minutes we didn't talk.. Like it was hours ticking away.. Darn.. I know what was inside of his mind.. I know him that much..

Alam ku na yun.. Memorize ku na.. And it was torturing me.. Ugh..

I hate when it comes that part of the day.. Ahayyy.. Kainis..

Anyhow.. We were not looking at each other anymore.. I was staring at our University lobby.. Andun kasi kami sa tapat ng Auditorium... He was looking at the sky..

Badtrip.. Hayy.. It was dead silent for minutes.. Time was slipping away.. Darn it.. I finally saw my celfone..

There was something in my phone.. I never heard this song for the past two years..

At eversince I have the copy of that song.. Palagi ku na yun pinapakinggan...
Kanta niya kasi sakin yun nung highschool... And involuntary.. My hand pressed the PLAY button..

I turned around.. Naiiyak kasi aku ehh.. Napapikit aku.. I wish.. Things were different..

Naktalikod aku.. may hawak siyang empty na mineral bottle.. Pinalo niya sa cement.. It popped out! OMG! Ang tahimik namin then it created a hysterical noise.. Deep inside of course I was shocked.. But I stayed composed as usual..
I can keep my emotions physically especially when I am pissed..

It continue just like that.. Hangang sa bumaba na yung mga friends ku.. I talked to them as if nothing happened between us.. He stayed quiet.. There are some minutes that I forgot that he was there.. I pretended he was not there.. Until palabas na kami sa Cat walk on the way out.. He was the 1st one na naglakad ng mabilis but he clapped harshly 3 times and shouted..

"Bat niya ginawa!!!"

Sobrang lakas.. Nag katinginan na nga lang kami ng mga Tropa ku.. Sh*t..

Darn.. I know what he mean.. Ugh.. It was so off..

Hayyy.. After that.. bumili kami sa Select.. He stayed outside.. And then I follow him.. I saw him.. With tears in his eyes..

My heart swelled up the moment I saw him like that.. I asked what's wrong..
He answered me..

"Bakit ang sakit sakit pa din.."

I honestly know what was running through his mind.. It hurts so bad.. Pero wala akung magawa..

Masakit sakin sobra.. Parang sinasakal aku.. Pero hindi aku umiyak dahil kailangan merong isang matatag samin and this time I have to be strong for that..

I asked.. which was stronger.. The Pain or The thought of not having me..

The thought of not having me.. Haay.. Yung ang sagot niya.. I just said..

"Move on"

We were still not talking to each other that much.. But it was getting better.. I asked if he could stay a little longer with me.. Sabi ku punta siya samin..

Sabi niya kung yun daw gusto ku.. Haayyy.. Andito kami sa bahay..

Finally he smiled with me.. Laugh with me a little.. But still stared at me with pain in his eyes..

IT HURTS...


Before he left.. He gave me the best hug I have ever experienced.. It was the best.. Haaayyy..

After he left.. I felt that we needed to talk..

So.. I called him later that night..

We started 11pm and ended 3am in the morning.. We talked alot about the things that hurts the most..

Ang akward nga namin.. Hindi kami masyado nag aaway.. As in.. Minsan lang but.. Our relationship is cracking because of something that already happened and we couldn't take it all away..

IT HURTS A LOT...

Na.. Our relationship is battling out about the past.. That sucks so badly..

The whole duration of our Love talk my tears keep falling down to my cheeks especially when I ask him this question..


Me: Anu yung nakapag contain ng feelings mu?

Luvie: Pag naalala ku yun.. Nagagalit aku.. Gusto ku mag wala.. Gusto ku manapak.. gusto ku mag amok.. Huhigpit hawak ku.. Parang ang tapang ku.. Parang ang lakas ku..

Me: ........

Luvie: Pero lahat yun.. Nawawala pag naalala ku na kung panu ka ngumiti.. Pag naalala ku na yung mata mu.. Lahat.. Nawawala.. Lahat.. Maalala ku lang.. Isang glimpse lang.. I lived my life with no regrets.. Lahat ng gingawa ku.. Sinisigurado ku muna.. Para sa huli hindi aku mag sisi.. Pero.. Ito lang yung isang bagay na pinagsisihan ku sa buhay ku Tin.. Ito lang..

I was crying hearing that from him.. I was having a hard time breathing.. Parang walang oxygen.. Kahit through celphone lang kami mag kausap.. Gusto ku siya yakapin.. Gusto ku lumuhod.. To say I am really sorry that I messed up..

I wanted to give up... So that he wouldn't hurt anymore but I doubt if I ever can let him go.. Its hard.. Coz every single day.. I feel na.. Its getting harder but what else could I do?

Gusto ku sumuko not because I don't love him anymore.. I do love him every day, very hour, every minute, every second.. I always have and I will always love him..

But I don't want him to hurt anymore.. Ang hirap.. Because it keeps coming back.. and I don't know how to stop it..

ANG HIRAP...

Sabi ku nga.. Sa sampung beses na lalaban ka.. Kahit isa lang dun.. Ipanalo mu para sakin.. Kahit isa lang.. Masaya na aku..


Hayy.. Ayokong maramdaman na hindi kami meant to be.. Ayoko maramdaman yun.. Ayoko talaga..

At alam ku.. If this won't stop.. Our realtionship will die.. I don't know if this will ever stop...

Ang hirap lang talaga lumaban sa ganito...

Isa lang dasal ku ehh..

I wish na sana.. Through clouds..

"Lord.. Take it all away.."


Kitinn....

Nga pala.. This is the song I played nung tahimik lang kami.. Theme song namin yan..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyXFYKKSkcQ

I love you for always..

Haay.. Here I come again with another post..

Don't worry.. mag kaiba naman sila ehh..

Ahayy..

Anu nga ba is-share ku for this day?

Lemme see.. Well..

I have this syndrome.. LSS (Last song syndrome)

Hahaha! I know.. Its stupid... =p
Somehow.. It brings alot.. It makes me remember (Again!)
Anyhow.. Its a sad post..
Coz this video keeps bugging me..

I have been listening and looking at this video for almost a week but I never get tired of hearing the background and Its funny coz..

I feel pretty memories and the aura of that particular video is full of love that no one will dare to question it..

Okay! Okay! Its a picture slide show with a music background in it..
And seeing all those pictures all together makes me feel the love that was present..

But this video is already broken.. Not literally.. It is broken Because of LOVE..
Awch..

Nararamdaman ku kung anu klaseng pag mamahal yung nadun..
For the both of them.. Like it was all clouds and then One day it was all gone..

Ahhayyy.. I wish I could let you see the video.. but I can't because you might recognize who it was from! Ayokong isispin ng nag post nun ehh.. Gusto ku panuorin yun nuh..

HINDI AKO STALKER!

Hahahaha!! But anyhow.. It really bugs me alot.. Para akung Masukista sa ginagawa ku.. Coz at some point in my life.. I know how it felt..

How it felt to be love by a man with a pure heart..

Somehow.. I feel for their relationship.. Na ngayon ay malaking

WALA na.. Panu ku nalaman? Nag research aku.. =p

Sabi sainyo.. HINDI AKO STALKER.. Chismosa pwede na yata? hahahaha!! Kidding!

Pero honestly.. Pag my interest aku sa tao.. Inaalam ko lahat kung anung meron siya.. Kahit anu pa.. I will usually observe about him or her...

Ganun kasi aku.. So that if there comes a time that he or she will no longer be a part of my life.. Maalala ku kung anu siya.. What is so special about him or her..

Ahaayy.. While I was doing something.. I saw the video.. I felt.. My hands trembling.. Para akung sira na natulala sa monitor.. Nag twinch yung mata ku meaning naiiyak aku sa nakikita ku..

Ahaayy.. I felt how hard it is to seperate ways.. I just felt most of love but then again..

I felt the empitiness.. In that video.. And specially the Pain..

Ugh..

I know.. Its wrong to feel the hurt because I am not the one who is hurting..

Hmpf.. Alam ku.. Apektado lang talaga ku.. Kulet kasi ng body reaction ku..

Everytime.. Yung kamay ku mapapasayad sa keyboard..

Maiitype ku yung title nung video and then.. booommmm!!!

I found myself watching and listening to it all over again.. Tsk..

Ang ganda kasi talaga.. Feeling ku andami nilang pinagdaanan.. na parang napunta lahat sa

"NOT SO HAPPY ENDING"

Un yung isang bagay na sobrang nakakapag pa sad dun.. kasi they didn't end up together..

At ang nakakatawa pa.. I feel for the guy.. He loves the woman truly ang faithfully..

I think he made the video for her.. I am not quite sure.. But it looks that way.. =p

He kinda have the captions made just for her..

Of how much he adored her.. How much he loved her..

He also said.. Something like....


I LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS..


Haayy.. Sobrang nakita ku lahat ng pagmamahal niya for that girl..

Such a waste.. Such a waste.. Tsk..

They look good together! So badly...

Nainggit nga aku dun sa babae..

Not that I never experienced to be loved trully..
Of course I do! Its happening to me now! =p

Its just that.. If I was in her shoes... I would be so darn proud of the man who promised he would love me forever..

Yun nga lang ehh hindi ku naman siya kilala..

Pilingera lang aku! hahahahaha!! =p

But honestly.. If you would see that video.. You would the agree with me..

Ahaayyy..

I will be okaaayyy....


Makakamove on din aku...

but let me have the opportunity to say this own my own... For my Man..

PILINGERA nga kasi aku.. hihihi! =p


I LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS....


Kitinn....

Frustrations.. =/

Haayy...


A little frustrated at the moment.. Darn... Its so ard to accept that.. Simple dreams was not meant to be.. And even if.. We tried so hard to reach it.. If fate wasn't on your side then there is no way that you could achieve it.. And the hardest part was.. The only thing you can do about it is to ACCEPT it.. Ahay..

Sobrang..

Frustrated aku..

Kagabe.. I spent hours just looking at the ceiling as my eyes continue to betray me..

Para akung sira ulo.. But what else could I do.. Darn it.. That was all I could do..

I don't know for how long.. I tried to get the things that I want without any help from my superiors.. Lahat..

Tell me I am selfish to get my dreams.. At kung puwersado man well.. Its my business.. But no matter how hard I try.. Kahit anung pilit ku... Kahit anung gawin ku ayaw ibigay saken...

Ang hirap kasi.. I've been trying very hard to achieve it.. Its hard to breath whenever I remember..

Pero at the end of the day.. I will end up with nothing.. *sigh*

Nakakafrustrate.. Na I just wanted to have it now.. Pero ayaw.. Kahit anung pilit ku.. kahit anu pang gawin kung paraan.. No use.. Because Fate is not on my side and it hurts..

What's wrong about dreaming? Simple dreams from me isn't so hard to get for others.. Pero bakit hangang naun.. why is it that..

Its not working for me..

My superiors are not supportive for what I want..
Iniisip nila.. I can get it pag may trabaho na aku..
Pero.. Paano ku tatangapin yun kung iyon ang gusto ku naun..
Iniisip nila Arte ku lang yun.. Pero hindi arte yun.. Pangarap ku yun.. Mababaw na nga lang pangarap ku.. Hindi pa sila supportive na ibigay yun..
Siguro iisipin niyo na npaka spoiled brat ku.. pero hindi totoo yun..

Coz if that is the case.. Ehh di sana.. Lahat ng gusto ku nakuha ku na.. Ehh hindi naman.. Hmpf.. It just hurts alot to think that I can never have it.. NOW..

And I am badly trying all I could.. But it won't work... I don't want to think na hindi meant to be.. Because if I can think of other plans to make it happen..

Then somehow.. Iniisip ku baka I can make it happen.. Pero I cut short all time.. Coz hindi ku kaya lahat ng aku lang mag isa..

I tried to make things or my dreams happen.. Pero ang hirap when there is none who would help...

I feel all the unluckiness in the world (If there is such word..)

May palaging nag sasabi sakin... Makuntento daw aku sa kung anong meron aku.. And be thankful..

Yes.. I can't say that I am not thankful.. Of course I am.. I got more than what I deserve sometimes.. But.. Is it so bad to ask for what I really want? To make actions for what I truly want?

Is that so bad? I am thankful.. Of course I am.. but all I ever wanted is to make it my dream happen and I am doing something about it...

Its just that its so hard to deal with it.. It upsets me.. That I was on this by my own without anyone to support me..

Ayokong isipin na di sila supportive.. But I hate it when they say na tsaka ku na lang gawin if I have the job..

Ugh.. I feel lost again and alone at the same time.. Coz they are not encouraging me nor offering something to me..

Bakit ba kasi aku di pinanganak na mayaman ehh.. Hmpf..

Not that I hate my life so much.. Its just that it hurts to think that I can't have the things I really wanted.. And no one is encouraging me to get it..

I get insecure alot or sensitive about my so called dreams.. Usually.. umiiyak aku and I would be so upset..

Not that I blame someone because I can't reach it..
Sabi nga nila.. Wag na ipilit kung hindi rin kaya..

Honestly kaya naman ehh.. They just don't make other plans for that.. Samantalang yung ibang tao.. Nagawa ng paraan.. But not with my superiors..

iniisip nila na mas madaming importanteng bagay than having what I want..
Di ku hinihingi na.. Ibigay nila sakin yun right away because I was never demanding..

gusto ku lang maramdaman na kahit kunti may mag sasabi sakin na:

"Hayaan mo, gagawa tayo ng paraan"

Wala talaga! Haay.. Upset na nga aku.. Di man lang aku ma comfort.. Nakakatakot na din mag voice out ng gusto mo kung alam mo naman sa huli na wala naman makikinig... Walang gagawa ng paraan for you.. Walang susuporta.. Haayy.. (Umiiyak nanaman aku)

Ang hirap lang kasi.. Parang "MY NEVER"

Something that I dreamed that I could never have...

Anu pa nga ba.. Sometimes they would ask questions..Anu ba daw yung bagay na pinaka gugustuhin aku na magiging masaya aku..

I have heard it a million times already.. Ayoko na sumagot dahil every time I answer that stupid question..

I will ended up with expecting na maybe.. I could finally get what I want coz.. Lagi nila sasabihin na "Promise" which laging napapako.. Darn!!

Hanggang kelan ba aku aasa?
Puro pangakong napapako lang naririnig ku and then they'll end up contradicting.. Ahhayy..

Nakaka frustrate lang..

But there is something that temps me now.. And that is to live a Ostentatious lifestyle.. Its tempting... Hard to resist.. Honestly.. I can see myself already giving in because I am desperate.. Especially now.. But I thought of this:

"Its hard to resist an ostentatious life especially when someone is offering to you... to have that kind of lifestyle.. But the only thing that can hold you back is the fact that you already have a life with someone else that you treasure the most.."

Might as well to resist than to imagine myself a life without him..
He was one of the reason why I still wake up in the morning...

Haaayy.. Wish I could have him close.. And he knows who he is.. =/

I miss you already.. Just stay with me and I will be fine.. I guess..

Trying to recover from this frustration.. Ahhaayy..



Kitinn...

Flashbacks due to boredom.. =/

So.. Bored..

Alot of things have been moving in my mind..

Grr!! Well...

Nakaka buryo naman ohh... Kasi.. Or I am badly bored...

Nakupo lang aku...

Sometimes I feel like I am having an outer body experience.. Tss..
I could hear Trike sa labasan namin.. Nakaupo lang aku.. Staring at the sky...

I honestly hate to have flashbacks or even to think about things deeply...
It sucked! Ugh..

I think about a lot of things.. Especially.. Memories.. This cuts out the boredom I am badly having now.. It all happen 2 days ago..

I remember me.. Last summer being addicted sa computer game!
GRANDCHASE... Sounds familiar? Tell me about it.. Hmpf...
I met alot of new pipz down there pluz.. I enjoyed playing that game..
Feeling ku baby aku dun.. Weak kasi character ku dun.. Like I was bound to lose if no one protected me.. Its an odd feeling.. At the same time... Its flattering..

I miss it somehow.. But I am never coming back.. I let myself to remember how much I enjoyed playing that game.. How I make schedules for that game..

Dati kasi wala pa kaming connection dito sa house so I have to rent.. And..
I look forward to go Online in the afternoon.. Naging habbit ku na maglaro every afternoon..

I was a fan.. I couldn't help myself.. And I look forward sa mga guildmates ku...
Due to my addiction.. nag join pa ku ng Gulid.. OMG.. =p

Well.. It wasn't so bad.. Actually.. Its nice to know them.. ^_^
I am loving that.. And somehow.. My life was a little complicated that time.. And in order to forget.. I would play for hours.. Because I know.. When its all over.. I would be feeling the emptiness again..

Para akung sira.. I thought of something up.. Para akung sira talaga.. I was having flashbacks.. I woke up to the thought I was trying not to think about...

Hinarang ku na nga.. Pero wala.. Toh kasing utak ku ehh!! (Sinisi ehh nuh! =p)
I remember a particular event.. And I hated myself for remembering that..

I remember one particular member sa gulid namen.. I remember him..

I remember me.. In a computer house with tears escaping my eyes..

DARN!!!!!

I never want to remember that part.. I'm so sure.. I remember that.. Like it happened yesterday.. Para akung engot nung hapon na yun..

It was a funny memory.. Ipinagdasal ku at that particular moment.. I was wishing that the person I am talking through that monitor to be beside me.. I closed my eyes.. I was trying to absorb whatever "he" said..

I found myself having a hard time breathing.. Trembling.. Ugh.. It was so stupid.. I felt like an idiot remembering that.. Tsk..

Sa lahat naman kasi ng papasok sa utak ku.. Yun pa! Grr!!
But its alright.. I continued my day dreaming..

"He" was the like a hero.. Who came down out of nowhere to rescue my conciousness..

Haayyy.. I hate having a long memory! Sometimes, I want to shut my brain.. Para di aku makaalala ng kung anu anu.. Para kasing.. Ugh! Basta!

Kung ang normal person.. Ang Memory storage niya.. Siguro.. Mga..

2Gig yung mental storage nila.. (Kinumpara sa memory card.. Tss!! hahaha! =p)

But me? I think.. My Memory storage is up to 8Gig? Mga ganun..
I see my past memories.. Clear.. I can remember the dialogues too! I hate it..

Anyway.. Well I was really having a hard time on my life that time.. But then.. "he"
was so familiar.. O ganun lang talaga personality niya?

I would dream of him.. (I felt like a todler dreaming about toys.. =p) But it was a friendly dream not a romantic one..

His familiarity shocked me.. Right through my bones.. I felt chills.. Running down through my spine whenever that enters my mind.. I remember making blog posts in my old blog just for him.. It was so off... I can't have it both ways and again.. I was MISUNDERSTOOD... Togoingkzz..

Then I was awake..

Ahaayy.. What duh? That was all I could say..

Para akung adik nung isang araw.. (its a good thing I was in my room =p )

I stared at the sky once more.. And I wonder what is he doing right now.. I wish he's okay.. My Rescuer.. I let out a deep sigh.. But I smiled and shook my head.. Ahayy.. Kung anu anu nanaman kasi pumapasok sa isip ku..

Biglang nagtext si Luvie.. Aruy! =p

Then I continued to do the things I have to do..

It was just.. So funny to make me realize that.. I could really remember..

Flashbacks make me shake alot.. And goosebumps are present too..

Its so awkward to remember things like that.. Di ku alam dapat maging reaction ku..

But I don't regret that.. No.. That's not the point..
I just ran out of things to say whenever I remember how I felt.. And one blink of an eye.. It was all gone.. Hmpf.. =/

And when I remember it well.. Its a little uncomfortable..
But..
I talked to him yesterday..
He's quite fine and he's still friendly.. =p

Ahayy! It felt good talking to him again.. Its nice to know he still remembers me.. Ohh well..


P.S

My heart is already owned! I just can't help sharing this..

Luvie.. You already know how much you mean to me.. So there's no point for feeling Jealous! hihihi! ^_^

Kitinn..

STARS...

Let me have the opportunity to write this thoughts that was from a guy who fell in love with a girl.. But the girl's heart was already taken.. (Aruy! =/)

************************************************************************************

IF I COULD CHANGE YOUR MIND

There you are with your perfect way
you got that little shine your eyes
To hear one word will make my day
But there's no room for me in your life.

Refrain:
Ohh.. You got me down on my knees
Ohh and in my mind I can see
how perfect everything could be
but you wont give us time
Chorus:
But if I could change your mind
How will you want me?
Could you say you need me
coz I need you know?

I try to move on but your perfect way
is got this little shine asking why
but this wont keep spinning
as my heart sounds beat
it said there's no room inside

Ohh.. If I could change your mind
but if I could how will you want me?
would you say you need me now?
And if I could change your mind
how will you hold me?
Would you say forever
Ohh please save me here from drown
Ohh and if I could change your mind
(Change your mind) 2x

MAGIC OF STARS

*Spirits move me every time I'm near you
whirling like a cyclone in my mind shining stars,
Angel of my lifetime,
answers to all the answers I can find.

Refrain:

*****, I love you let me know
the wonder of all of you like
the shine you have in your eyes

2nd Refrain:

*****, I love you now, now, now
and hold on fast could it be magic at last
spirits take me high up on the hillside
high up where moon meets the stars,
*****, I love you build my world around you
never,never,never leave you till my life is done
(Repeat 1st Stanza of ref.)

Could it be magic, maybe it is. No, I'm sure it is.

UNTITLED

The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your eyes and the moon and the stars were gifts you gave to the dark and the end of the skies to the dark. The first time ever you lay your head to my shoulder to fell asleep, I felt the earth move in my hand like the trembling heart of a captive bird. The first time I lay with you and felt your heart so close to mine and my love will last till the end of time. With one more look at you, I could learn to tame the clouds and let the shine through. Leave a troubled past and I might start again. I'll solve the mysteries of deep stars. Refresh these tired eyes. With one more look at you, I might overcome the anger that I've learn to know. Find a peace of mind. I love so long ago. Your gentle touch has made me strong again and I belong again for when you look at me, I'm every thing and more than I had dreamed. I'd be my spirits feels a promise. I won't be alone, love you and live forever with one more look at you, I'd learned my stars , I'd have my constellation, paint your portrait too.

************************************************************************************

I couldn't say a word about these literary piece that I typed moments ago.. I was speechless all through out.. Especially when I read this all together.. All I could do is let out a sigh.. I know how it was written by a man with a heart that wanted to reach a star. But the star was already taken 2 years ago before he came along. Somehow I felt a wound right through my heart. Because once I again, I failed to embrace the pain that a person wasn't suppose to feel. I felt sorry. I feel the guilt. But that was all I could do.

My only wish for the person who worked on this songs and poems was for him to mend and to heal and let time work its magic. I won't ever get in your way because I would always be Kitinn. I will always be in the place where my heart belongs. Here.

It won't be a great decision to be waiting in the wings because it would be all for nothing.
But I can promise to remain the same.
Nothing else but that. Thank you for everything.

And yes.. Thank you for making one of my dreams come true..

Thank you for giving me Breaking dawn.. I will take care of it..

Once again..

Forever will be..

KITINN..

I can't bear to think you are not with me..

Why do am I feeling everything that I wasn't suppose to feel..
Badtrip.. Nalulungkot talaga aku.. Ewan ku talaga.. I don't think I over reacted.. I think normal lang talaga na ganito maramdaman ku..

The thought that he's gonna be in someplace else far away from me.. That there is just one chance that I could be with him in a week makes me really sad.. Mamimiss ku siya.. Lagi ku nga iniisip na.. I hope he's with me.. I wish.. I could say how much I feel.. Ang hirap pala nung ganun.. Na sobrang sanay ka na anjan lang siya malapet sayo then at the end.. Boom! Biglang ganun.. Hindi sa di ko naiintindihan.. Actually I do.. Its reasonable naman why he will not be with me anymore.. They needed a brand new house...

(Curse you ONDOY! ggrr!!)

Naiintindihan ku.. I know I do.. Ganun naman talaga.. Wala akung other choice.. I understand.. But I can't help not be sad.. Parang ambigat sa loob.. Remembering everything that I used to do with him.. Gosh.. Napapaiyak aku.. Even last Sunday.. I was crying quietly sa Church while listening to the mass.. I was shaking my head off coz my eyes won't stop.. He was beside me.. I was holding his arms.. He was saying I should stop crying.. He wipe my tears away.. Pero umiiyak pa din aku... Di ku talaga napigilan.. Parang I was having flashbacks... I swear.. Sabi ku mamimiss ku siya.. I can't bear not to think.. Para kasing..

Alam mo yung.. Feeling mu mahahati yung puso mu kasi malayo siya sayo? Na parang di mu maexpalin how feel about it.. Ambigat ng loob mu? Na mangyayari na malalayo siya sayo? I mean.. I feel it.. Its so real.. Wala pa aku sa actual situation pero iyak na ku ng iyak.. Di ku talaga mapigilan.. 2months is so short.. I wonder kung mapapaaga pa..

Haayy.. Manila (Almost Q.C na) to Ilaya.. Wonder how our love story would be..
I wish we could work this out.. Mahihirapan talaga aku.. Darn..

Happy Half year Luvie!! ^^ (Exclusively for him)

I don't know how to say this especially when everyone I love is kinda here to read this.. (Mom is watching me write this Hahaha!! =p)

Time move too fast.. Haayy.. I remember.. December of 2008 was the worst month of my life.. Coz I got disapointed coz I thought I wouldn't win you back.. Ggrrrr!! I hate remembering that.. Its sooo not me.. Tsk!

Anyway, I am thankful that February of this year was the time.. We have the chance to mend ourselves and realize what went wrong..

March my kind of month... We are still so shy but my heart is already emotionally taken by you.. (Ayee!!!)

April was our Month.. It is the time were, I rediscover something I already felt in the past.. Its just that it is alot stronger now..

And here I am.. Standing on a street together with you..It has been a half year already.. I couldn't explain how I feel the moment I felt that my heart already belongs to you and vice versa with you.

I remember every details of this magical journey that we created together.

The time that I got sick, that was the first time you knew where my house is. You felt the pain that I am feeling.. I saw your eyes with sadness in them because you were wishing so hard that the pain I have can be yours. I remember you closing your eyes each time I swallow. Because my throat was badly swelling to the point there are some tears escaping my eyes because of the pain. But you grab my hand and kissed it. I will never forget that.

I remember me being disappointed in you because you got me worried the time you went to Paco to drink with your friends and you got home at 1am in the morning. I was not talking you for 3 days straight. The 4th day, I was surprised because you went to our house and you asked for my forgiveness. I wasn't paying attention to your explanation, because I knew I was right and you were wrong. I would roll my eyes each time you say you were sorry. We were outside our house sitting in wet cement bench. I was surprise you kneeled in front of me not caring if someone sees you looking like an idiot. You said you were sorry and you were almost about to walk out because I was forcing you to go home. But you stayed. We talked it out and we compromised. It was one of the sweetest nights of my life just so you know it.


I remember my Birthday. You always have surprises for me. I remember, I was so upset.. I remember texting you because I was upset.. I was texting you and you said I should check who is outside. You were outside waiting for me.. I was shocked seeing a bouquet of red roses in front of me.. I cried.. I was so speechless that I cried and you wipe some tears from my eyes.. I remember how the next morning turned out.. It was a rainy birthday for me.. We listened to the mass together that morning.. You came to my school, you requested me to come to your home 1st because you need to show me something.. And.. You gave me Pauline.. I love her.. (she's watching me from behind! hahaha =p) and some touching letters as well.. One of the happiest day of my life.. Thank you for that..

I remember your birthday, I gave you a watch that you pledge never to use because you never use any kind of watch anymore.. I gave you an umbrella too and your favorite kind of chocolate and a cake care of Yohj.. And some letters..

I remember us going to Church every Saturdays of the week.. Sometimes I would go to your place, just bonding with you.. (Pilingan Portion! hahaha!! =p) You would go outside do your bottle flairing while I watch you perform your tricks.. Sometimes we would go near the A lake in the back of your house..
(not sure if its Aplaya? Its just a big portion of water in my eyes.. hahaha!! ^^)
We would watch the moon rise with clouds in them.. I would stare at sky with you holding my shoulders.. I would stare at your eyes.. Ugh.. Haayy.. I miss your eyes already..

We go to places.. We would be there.. I am always statisfied to end my days with you whenever we have a chance to be together.. I remember every details.. Soemtimes.. You know we usually cry when we are in senti (Always is!! ^^)

But you know what? I'll always be thankful for those time that I can express what I truly felt especially I am saying those to you.. I love being around you.. A million person would not be enough to replace you.. That is how I felt..
No one could understand me better than you do..

Since the day we brought it up together, I was thankful enough to finally see who am I suppose to Love.. Finally... It was you.. Sorry fory closing my eyes, for not seeing your significance.. Sorry for not seeing your exquisiteness.. But hey, look where my heart is now..

My heart is at a place where no one could ever see.. Except you..
Luvie, for all the things, I love you.. and I will forever be here for you.. No matter what.. I will stand by you.. It means to me everything.. That's how I love you..

HAPPY HALF YEAR!! OR... HAPPY 6th MONTHSARY!!! Mwah!!

State of Calamity is declared.. =/

After witnessing the damage that "ONDOY" made, here comes a new super typhoon named "PEPENG/PARMA". The public is open to every news that is circulating at the present. Some prepares for their safety, some shows panic and Of course, They are a lot who is praying right now,wishing this devastation was just a dream that will go away. It hurts for me to see a lot of people died and a lot of family just lost their home. The most hardest part was, they are all my fellow country men. Our classes were suspended ever since the storm "ONDOY" entered and made a tremendous damage in our country especially to Metro Manila. It will resume maybe on Monday. Some may have the hardest time to recover at this point, many are still feeling the burden in their chest. Trauma. Trauma. Trauma.

This calamity does not choose who were suppose to be losing their home or their love one coz even people who is well known by the public still feels the massive challenge we are going through. Even rich people is affected.. In general, we all affected..

At this point, the only option we have is to prepare and hope that this will all go away. Let us just pray to God that it would be all better.. God have is own ways in expressing what is his plan is..

But whatever it is.. We should accept it and be ready for it..

God.. It is all up to you now.. Help us preserve ourselves.. Help us.. We've got faith in you.. Give us strength to face this challenge you are giving us.. God.. Guide us..

Have faith in him, and hope for the better.. ^^

Make him come back home.. (A love story =/)

Soo.. Sad.. To share this.. But I wanted too..Sinasabayan ata ng weather dito sa Pilipinas itong Love story na toh.. Supeerrr sumasakto itong kanta ng MYMP dito na entitled BACK HOME..

How can I stand the day alone I recall the times when our love was thrown And how will I get through the day My tears are falling down Remembering the words you said Tell me that our love won’t fade away Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow Oh please make him come back home You promised a lifetime of love that will never fade Until the day the sun no longer shines But you’ve let my heart died You left me all alone I’m grieving now Coz you found someone new Tell me this is not a game you play Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow Oh please make him come back home I don’t wanna go on without No more sleepless nights because of you Hold me tight don’t ever let me go Don’t let me go Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow Oh please make him come back home...

Haayy.. Supeer nasasad aku pag naalala ku yung mga unsucessful Love stories.. Especially when I am witnessing someone hurting and her heart keeps dying.. I feel how much pain she is feeling coz I've experience pain when you love someone trully and he keeps throwing this all away.. Masaket yun.. I just feel for her.. Dahil prisoner siya ng so called LOVE.. I wanted her to realize something.. Actually.. "WE" Dalawa kami ni Panget ang advisers niya when It comes to her Lovelife..

Haay.. She and her boyfriend is almost running a year relationship with so called "L&R".. Haay.. She cries most of time.. Coz her boyfriend is kinda "bugutin" and she thinks understanding him is the best way to make their relationship work.. I am soo up for that.. But in some ways.. She needs to realize something.. Because her boyfriend is cold and keeps pushing her away without a doubt that he intends to hurt her feelings.. Its not right.. I couldn't see how he could do it.. I mean.. If he loves her, why would he do that especially.. Antagal na nila.. Ugh.. I couldn't see his point really.. But in some ways din.. Baka may reason yung guy.. Pero I feel for her more.. They don't know how to get through with their relationship.. Supeeerr gulo na nila.. Pero di nila diniderecho yung point nila if they have to break up or not..

Commitment is letting yourself be free with anything you want to do together with your partner.. Choosing desicions na isina alang alang mo yung feelings ng partner mo pag ginawa mu yun.. But why does have to be that way? When he makes a decision, it will wound her.. BADLY.. Laging ganun.. I hate it.. I hate her seeing like that.. Her faith is soo strong to the extent that she believes that she can make it work.. She believes that their relationhip will work out like it was before.. She believes she could make him come back.. Haaayyy.. I couldn't blame her.. She's not me.. Magkaiba kami pero ang hirap tignan yung ganun that my only option is to look away.. Panget gets my point.. Actually parehas kami ng iniisip.. Pero ayaw namin siya pilitin na gawin yung ayaw pa niya gawin.. Ayaw namin siya pangunahan.. Kailangan niya madiscover sa sarili niya what really went wrong with their relationship.. Kailangan siya mag decision dun ehh.. Susuportahan lang namin siya..

"Sometimes you just have to know when to stop"

Totoo yun ehh.. Pero mahirap gawin especially, Mahal mo talaga. She claims that he is her 1st and true love. But life is like that.. My 1st experiences and you just have to learn from them. We are doing the best we can to make her feel comfortable.. She needs us and I wanted to take care of her.. I want her to know that even though Love is betraying her heart right now, atleast friendship is helping to mend her heart.. Kahit yun man lang.. Maibigay namin sakanya. May Peace of Mind na aku..

Siz... Andito lang kami para sayo.. No matter what.. ^^,