I will love them forever. Because they deserve to be loved. To be wanted. I always knew sincerity was the key to friendship. I always knew how to love.
Everyone needs a friend. Everybody knows that. As friendship grows older, everything gets deep. Everything will fall into place..
And the next thing you knew..
You have your brand new best friend.. Best because they'll always be there for you. When you have no one to talk to. You'll have them. They'll hug you, comfort you, be there for you. Ready to fight with you. Inseparable.
Then you'll be sisters. Everything was there.. Love,trust,faith.. Everything...
You'll separate ways but still... The friendship will always be there..
You're going to grow up. Trying something knew, learning and such.
The communication will be stiff. Life challenges will be hard but still.. When you think of those people whom you can be with.. You'll feel better even though they are not always around.
You'll just wish for them to remember you. That was all you wanted.. Yet..
Sometimes people change for some reasons.. But.. The friendship..
Is it still there?
What if they already forgotten every single days that you were together?
Every memories..
Every Laughters...
Every Moment...
Once they decided not be a friend anymore...
It will be all for nothing...
How that hurts? Believe me.. It hurts like sh*t...
I had loved. I had experienced to be broken.
Many times. I couldn't even count how many times I was hurt.
How many times I had cried for the things that hurt..
But still.. This one darn experience was so cruel that it crushed me through the bones and I couldn't help not to ignore the feeling.
I couldn't feel a single emotion at the moment..
My long wish was granted at last..
But why am I still so sad? So hurt..
All I could was to stare blankly at the ceiling... Remember everything...
Tears keep falling off my eyes and I couldn't do anything about it...
All was left in my mind and heart was memories...
How I wish to bring them back..
As I look back at those memories. I couldn't help not to cry. To feel every pain that was present now in my heart..
Deciding something permanent was so much to deal with..
I ran out of things to say.. To leave somebody needs acceptance for the person that was left..
I am trying my best to accept every word she said.
She said goodbye but still...
I still pray and hope for her happiness even if it kills me to let her go.
She had been my gorgeous lady.. My best girl.. My Bhezzy.. My best friend..
Yet.. She said she doesn't belong anymore..
It would be better..
So much that I love her...
I choose to let her go.. *sigh
She wanted to be free. Having her brand new life was now her world.
I feel so empty, so tormented because I knew how much I loved her.
How much I wanted to be a part of her. I don't know what's the reason behind those hurtful words that she said.
But whatever it is, I hope she's happy. I wanted her to be happy.. Every single moment. She deserves that. I hope and pray that those brand new persons who is now with her will take care of her. Love her the way I loved her.
I wanted to hug her so tight and tell her how much I love her, how much I missed her.
It was awkward seeing her again but what was more dominant when I saw her was she really wasn't mine anymore... I wanted to tell her many beautiful things that happened in my life.. But I was so scared that she wouldn't listen to my stories.
I tried to be casual. But I couldn't even say those words that I wanted to. I held back. Knowing that it would be better..
I said goodbye without looking back at her.. How much it hurts to leave her without even saying anything.
*sigh
After everything. I was finally home. I held back the tears that was ready to betray me any moment. I rushed to my bedroom. Sit ever so numbly at my bed. I saw my memory box. I opened it and I read her letters.
I couldn't look at her picture with me.
Not that I don't want to see it but it hurts so much to even look at it.
And now...
I just wanted to say. It will take a lifetime for me to forget how precious she is to me..
No one could ever replace her in my heart. There will always be a special space for her.
I don't know for how long I will feel this pain..
Hoping it was all just a dream.
But I know it's not.
When the time comes that I'll be seeing you again, I want you to know that I was never mad at you. I wanted to see you happy and satisfied with your life even if I'm not a part of it anymore. One day, I'll be able to know why you left but I guess it's no longer important.
I want to say I was thankful. I was glad that once in my life, I had a best friend like you and I would never ever forget how fun it is to have you..
I would not say good bye because I know I'll be seeing you again. I just don't know when.
Time heals everything. I'll just let time work its magic.
God knows when will that time comes and I hope when it comes, I will not remember any pain that you once gave us but I'll remember those happy moments we once shared.
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME..
I love you Bhezzy... Always have... Always will...
See you later...
KITINN...
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