*sigh* Luvie and Me plus picture issues. -_-

My Mom is really. Telling me to stop taking pictures with Luvie.

She said I should not be taking pictures of me and Luvie that way.

She said it’s disgusting. Blah.

Mom: Di ka ba nahihiya sa mga nakakakita ng tao? Pinayagan ka na nga mag boy friend pero ganyan ka. Kung ganyan yung pinapakita mo how much more yung di namen nakikita. Kulang na lang mag lips to lips kayo sa picture. Tama na yung isang pag kakamali ng Ate mo. Wag kana gumaya. Hindi ako natutuwa. Sa lahat ng lakad mo kasama mo si Paolo. Baka kung san san kayo natuloy. Kababae mong tao ganyan ka. Di ka na nahiya.

I hate malice. Wala kaming gingawang masama. What’s wrong with sweet pictures? What’s wrong with it? Kasi Public Display of Affection? Anu naman kasi yung nakita niyang picture? Eto? Yung basa taas?

Muka bang malaswa yan? Can you tell me? Panget po ba tignan? Hawak lang niya ako niyan kasi Wet yung cement. Observe the picture. Flat footed ako at madali akong madulas kahit flat surface pa. Meron pang isang picture na ganyan din yung pose namen. Yun naman kaya niya ko hawak kasi inclined yung way pababa. Baka madulas nanaman ako pag di niya ako hawak. Meron pang isa. Nakaharap kami don. Pero nabigla lang kami sa biglang pag bilang ng group mate ko. Kaya ganun yung pose namen.

Hindi din naman ako naive. 1st hindi ko naman pinababayaan yung school ko ehh. I’m actually doing my best. My boyfriend encourages me to study harder. Why? Because he wants me to help my family right after we graduate college. Tsaka na lang yun plans namen for us.

2nd we are responsible. Alam naman namin yung boundaries namen. Kasi alam namin na maraming apektado. Maraming masasaktan if we did something wrong.

3rd I love him. He’s my refuge when everything in this house is so messed up. Magulo dito sa bahay namin. Tinitiis ko lahat yon kasi alam kong merong aalalay sakin. Tapos ngayon sasabihin nila na hindi siya mabuti for me. Puro kasi malisya laman ng utak nila. He knows about practically everything that is happening in my life. He knows when I’m feeling down or happy.

Ate got pregnant early. I can’t believe she compared me to Ate. We’re different.

I’m sad kasi ganun yung iniisip sa akin ng Mom and at the same time masakit pala. Kasi ganun yung iniisip niya. Hindi naman ako nag papabaya sa mga gingawa ko. I know this one. I got this one. Ayoko lang kasi ng ganon kasi nilalagyan niya ng malisya lahat.

Pwede naman kasi niya sabihin ng maayos. Pwede naman niya ko kausapin pero ano? Sinigawan niya ko.

Malicious minds in my belief is those who have rigid minds who doesn’t understand.

Hindi kasi alam ni Mommy how much he respects me. She doesn’t know and I know because he’s my Luvie.

Mahal na Mahal ko yung lalaking yun ehh. Kasi mat Respeto siya sakin.

Nakakalungkot lang. ang sakit mag salita ng Mommy ko.

Like she even brought the “S” word. Baka daw ginawa na namen.

That hurts me most. Kakagising ko lang. At ayun ang bungad niya saking sermon.

Ang sakit. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na wala kaming ginagawang masama. Sana maramdaman din niya na wala.

*sigh*

Sorry guys. for this. I just want to say what I really feel. Because wala akong masumbungan kundi dito lang sa blog ko.

*sad*

Father's Day means suckers day. -_-

*sigh*

Ate is not here in the house.

She left. She got tired and she had been hit by my dad.

He's drunk but that's no excuse.

This issue had been going on for years now.

This sucks.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

If this family is made to be broken then let it be.

I don't want to hold on and just get hurt physically and emotionally.

Dad's very good. He think as if every he says is right.

Feling niya siya magaling.

Sige siya na lahat.

But you know what?

If there comes a time. When all he could do is to reach out for help and his wisdom will vanish together with his ego and pride.

Ngayon ko lang na-experience na ang pambabae. Ay tama.

According to my Dad. Yes. Wag ka lang papahuli or sabihin mo sa Asawa mo na wag siya makialam.

Tse.

Tumgil.

I don't want my Dad. For the past 18 years of my life. Ngayon lang siya nanakit ng ganito dahil nagsapukan sila ni Ate at lumayas na lang si Ate dito dahil sawa na siya marinig ang away ng parents ko. Sawa na talaga ako.

Father's Day? Ohh Come on? It's suckers day for me.

Dapat lumayas na lang dito Tatay ko.

Hindi ko na kaya.

Pagod na ko. Hindi lang ako furniture or palamuti sa bahay na toh.

Anak ako. May nararamdaman din ako. Hindi ako Manhid.

Nakakapagod makipag argue sa taong tingin sa sarili niya siya na ang pinaka magaling na tao sa mundo.

&$^&$^*$*%)*+_&_&(*&*!!!!

Alam niyo. Naiingit ako sa mga may Tatay na Mahal ang pamilya nila kasi ako?

Hindi ko maramdaman yon ehh.

Puro pamba- babae lang kasi ang inatupag niya at ang pag gawa ng para samin at pag ta-trabaho niya ay hindi obligasyon para sakanya.

Yun ay utang na loob.

BV lang.

Nakakainggit kayo. Sana yung Tatay ko? Matauhan na.

At dadating din ang araw na lahat ng ginawa niya samen at dadating ang oras na siya mismo ang mangangailanagan ng tulong namen. At mamawala lahat sakanya.

Alam ko na hindi namen siya pababayaan pero sana. Maramdaman niya lahat ng sakit na binigay niya samin.

Karma goes around.

I know and I believe in that.

This Day sucks.

Imbis na ma-appreciate ko na may Tatay ako?

Lalo lang akong nayayamot kasi wala naman siyang maipagmalaki samin kundi ang pamba-babae niya.

Dun siya kay Miss Japayuki. Dun siya.

*sigh*

I don't want my Mom to hurt anymore. She doesn't deserve this.

She's a great Mom.

She deserve way better than this.

Aww Mom.

Stop being a masochistic martyr.

Let it go.

Let it go.

MISSED BLOGSPOT TOO! SORRY IF I'M NEGLECTING THIS. I'LL TRY TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN. :)

Almost the worst weekend of the year! :|

Okay. Fine.

Saturday night.

(Us texting)

Him: Can you go out at 9:40am tomorrow?

Me: O_O Serious! I’m in Dreamland by then. I can’t wake up as early as that! I’m still asleep by noon!

Him: Please? Pretty please? Just for once! Trust me on this. :)

Me: Where are we going?

Him: To An Adventure. :)

Me: This better be good! I’m telling ya! Hmp.

Him: Bahala na bukas! 9:40am. No late! Goodnight Honey! Iloveyou. :)

Me: And Iloveyou more. Go to sleep. :)

TODAY @ 7:00am

Me: I hate you for letting me wake up this early. :|

Him: This will be good. Go eat after that Be ready at 9:40. Same meeting place :)

TODAY @ 9:40am

Sees him. Smiled and left with him holding my hand. It was raining but not that strong. But held each other while we were walking.

Me: Where are going really?

Him: You’re a first time PNR Rider today Honey. :)

PNR is a train with air conditioning. Just like LRT. But a bigger version plus the air conditioning was great! Instead of riding the bus. He prefers riding the PNR when he goes to school. The fair is much cheaper too. :)

He told me we are going To Binondo Church. It’s gonna be a long day. But dang it was raining but we didn’t care.

At first. Hmp.

We decided to take off at Edsa station. We walked. Rode a jeepney to Baclaran.

It was really rainy. My feet are dirty. I hate it.

His are wet from the inside. He’s wearing sneakers.

We were pissed. The weather sucked.

as he was trying to get the fare form his bag. The zipper went lose and it broke. We try to laugh it off so we would forget. He started repairing the zipper in the Jeep. Fail.

From Baclaran, we took a LRT ride to Carriedo. In the LRT. He still tried to fix the zipper of his bag. Fail again.

We walked until we reached the China Town. Then the Famous Binodo Church that was bombarded during British times in the Philippines. It was re constructed of course.

We are long distance walkers. As in we can walk non stop till we reach our destination. That’s the way we bond. :)

So we were inside the Church now. We took a sit then we witnessed some babies getting their first Sacrament. Cute Babies. :)

He tried to fix the zipper of his bag once again. I didn’t pay too much attention. I was looking at the Murial paintings in the ceiling.

He was trying to force the zipper to be fixed.

He started saying things like

Him. Bwiset. Badtrip. La na akong bag. Sira na. Blah. Blah.

Me: Go! Calm down. :)

Him: My feet. Dang. Wet! Ugh. -_-

Me: Aku din puro putek na. :(

Him: Ugh! This sucks.

I remained quiet for minutes as he tries to concentrate to fix his darn bag zipper.

Him: ^(&Y)(&)((^0%?@!(((***^??^^Y&()&!!!!!! Naiinis na ko!

Me: Hey! Stop that! Calm down.

We stopped talking for 2 minutes.

Him: ^((&)*_()&%$@#!%@&&!!!!!!!

Me: Stop that. We’re in a Church you know.

Him: I’m getting frustrated here.

Me: You don’t need to say those! Calm down.

Him: How could I Calm down? My feet are wet. This darn bag is kinda broke because the zipper is ruined.

Me: Try doing it.

Him: Kalma daw. Tsk.

(Okay. I’ll stop talking now. You’re being stupid.)

I stopped talking literally. I didn’t speak.

We were in there for alomst an hour because he was trying to fix his bag.

Him: Our time is wasted in here.

Me: …….. (Okay I’ll not even answer.)

Him: Uy.

Me: …….

Him: Are you mad?

Me: I wanna go home.

(Because you drag me all the way here just for me to experience you tantrums? Great! Ugh. Let’s go home.)

Him: Why? :(

Me: You’re asking me why huh? Ask yourself.

Him: I’m sorry I’m not mad at you. I’m just getting frustrated right now. I can’t fix my bag. My feet are wet. What do want me to feel?

Me: Do you have to say such words? Is it necessary?

Him: I’m sorry! Please. :(

Me: Let’s go home. I’m not in the mood to make gala anymore.

Him: I’m sorry. Please? I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it.

I didn’t speak.

I hated his tantrums plus mood swings. Ugh. It’s not pleasant. I hate it.

I kept quiet for minutes. He still tried to fix his bag. I didn’t speak and finally he stood up.

Him: Let’s go.

I walked out the church. He was saying I should wait for him but I continued to walk even though I have no idea where I’m suppose to go.

He still continued to say Sorry 100x while we’re walking. Ugh. He realized he’s wrong but. He’s too late.

We walked in Carriedo. He was still saying sorry I didn’t speak. I didn’t let him hold my hand which means I’m still mad.

I really didn’t pay much of attention.

I was just walking. He was starting a drama. I hate it when he does that. So I have no choice but to hold his hands so he wouldn’t continue the drama and to shut him up.

But I’m not talking to him still. He needs a dose of his own medicine.

So we started walking until we reached Quiapo.

The sweetest fact about me is that even though I’m mad because of certain things, I can still manage to smile. Even though I’m hating at the same time. Hahaha!

We entered the Church. I’m trying to push a conversation but I think I need to hear him speak first.

When we did. He said sorry. He’s eyes are getting teary. He always feel like crying when I went mad. Coz he couldn’t take it.

At long last his mood is brighten up. I need water.

We bought one in a 7 eleven store nearby.

He also bought me Tugs tugs (Cornetto Drumsticks) and safety pins for his ruined bag.

Peace offering. :P

As we walked back. I started making crying sounds coz I wanted to buy Manggang hilaw.

He bought me some! Yipee! Then we walked back he asked if are gonna go home since we didn’t have the chance to attend the mass.

So I said yeah.

He wanted to stay at our place. Our parents are gone. They watch a recital so I was left alone with the key.

So we did walk and walk and walk. Then we rode a Jeepney to Pedro Gil and rode a Bus. :)

I told him that never to do that tantrums ever again. I hated it. -_-

He said sorry so I’m expecting he wouldn’t do that anymore.

We were at the Bus. Avatar was on TV. I watched. He played with my hair.

We reached Alabang. Walked again.

Ride a trike then walked then we were finally in our house.

No one is in there.

So our guard was down.

I let him wash his feet. So that he would stop complaining.

I did washed my feet too. They were dirty! O.o

He did some stuffs to actually make me smile a little bit.

He did cuddle me. Give me a forehead kiss and stuffs like that.

Not gonna detail them. I just kept giggling through those.

Hahaha! Silly me.

He kept staring at me.

We did less talking and more of staring at each other’s eyes.

We are weird coz we understand each other better with the staring thingy.

No talks.

Silence. Just air. Me and him. Two souls with one love.

Then we needed to stop. Our stomach was grumbling.

We ate our super late lunch.

My parents got home. Yey! (They didn’t witnessed our weirdness :P)

I changed my clothes because we needed to attend the mass.

We saw his Mom in the Church. He walked me to the terminal then.

We separate ways.

My Sunday started Bad. But it went well in the end so.

I think this day is neutral.

Woot! Long day! I’m still alive! :P

Yeah. It all ends. I have to survive it.

I know. This blog isn't too much for me to spare time.

I wasn't able to write things lately. Maybe I'm too caught up with my other new hobbies.

*sigh

Here goes my old story..

Way back, like 4 years ago, My life had a huge difference.

My Mom left, Yeah she did. My dad started telling lies. So much that it hurts.

Mom decided to leave. That story was in my old blog.

Any how, everything went blurry for me.

I was sixteen. With no one to take care of me besides myself.

In honest to goodness, I was really affected. I was young and I didn't deserve to be left alone by my parents.

They were there I mean physically, but it bothers me so much that we aren't leaving in the same house anymore.

It was summer. Yeah. I should go out, find my summer get away, but four years ago.

I was a wrecked teenager who doesn't have anything.

I was lost. Honestly, it was the hardest feeling.

And the way I see how to survive that dilemma was to go on my way.

Liquor was always in my system, I smoked, I stay late outside partying, I gone out road tripping.

I was flushed. I felt no one cared anymore. No one would nag, no one would get mad if do such stupid things.

I did it my way.

Few months later.

My Mom was back. Finally I redeemed my old self again. I was really back to normal. I realized that I was really lost that time. Some things will never change but all I know is I learned. I really did learned so many things.

I saw how cruel life gets when you're so not yourself, without someone to check you out.

Yeah I was young. How couldn't I be so stupid. I didn't know anything.

That was 4 years ago.

Now after 4 years, its kinda happening again.

Like a deja vu all over again.

I knew better.

I just have to deal with it.

That's life.

I have to keep moving forward and move on. No matter how dull life gets.

I those people who would love and never leave me. To give me courage and strength whenever times gets so hard.

And..

I know God would have reasons to love me more.

He will never leave me. I know that.

I just have to stay strong.

Have faith.

PRAY.

Marmalade Boy ^_^

MARMALADE BOY (1994)

Koishikawa Miki is a typical, ditzy high school girl. Involved with tennis, with plenty of friends, she seems to be living the good life. She thinks nothing of the vacation her parents take to Hawaii … until they return and announce that, not only are they getting a divorce, but that they are getting remarried! Apparently they had affairs with another Japanese couple and have decided to swap spouses. (Wasn’t that the plot of a 70s movie?)

Of course, things only get crazier when she meets the completely aloof, yet oh-so-handsome son of the other couple, Matsuura Yuu. Naturally, despite the fact they’re practically step-siblings, they fall for each other. But they try to keep it a secret from their family, and most of the school. Never mind that the rest of the school is preoccupied with their *own* jumbled relationships.

— (The Synopsis)

Believe it or not. I fell in love with this series.

Nung bata pa ako. I think I was 11 years old that time. I used to wake up during summers at exactly 8.30am

Because the show will start at 9.00am.

Nag air siya sa GMA 7 before. Up to Episode 26 lang ang pinalabas sa TV.

I was so frustrated when they stopped airing this series. Iyak ako ng iyak as in to the highest level. Hindi pa uso noon ang DSL, Broadbands, etc. Pinagtyagaan ko na iresearch tong series na toh kahit dial up alng ang connection namin sa bahay noon.

Iyak ako ng iyak when I see their pictures together. The Main Characters. Miki and Yuu. Walang videos available. Or you have to buy DVD volumes which is only available overseas.

I was so frustrated because up 76 series yun. I missed 50 episodes. I was so sad.

My Tita in Chicago bought me the 1st volume of the series. She says, it was too expensive if she bought all four volumes.

I was kinda sad but at least had one volume.

When I was in first year college, I decided to make some research about it.

There are some episodes uploaded in youtube.com

Kaso, putol putol ehh so I couldn’t understand it very well. Wala pang ending. Hmp.

And then, 2 years after.

I was watching “Tanging Yaman” the teleserye online.

I missed a lot of episodes and I’m an avid fan of it. :)

Then I wondered out of the blue that I wanted to watch Marmalade Boy too.

I tried to research again for videos. Then I saw it.

Veoh.com answered my prayers.

Napanuod ko siya. English dub all 76 episodes in 3 straight days!

I was so happy that I finally finished the series.

This was my first love anime. Marmalade boy.

One day. I’ll have the four volumes of it. I swear when the time comes. When I have enough money to buy the last three missing volumes.

I would have it. I’ll find it. :))

FAMILY...

Hmmm..

Okay it's been a while since I wrote something.

I was stress out. This sem is toxic! Ugh! It's a good thing I finished it already.

I had been one of the toughest times in my entire college life. But then, I'm proud that finally, I am almost there. Just one step away and I'm done!

Welcome to reality Baby! Yey!

I dream most of the time and I kinda wonder about so many things.

My thoughts were always random. Anything out of the blue.

I think about mostly what will happen to my life in the future.

Am I gonna marry my Luvie? (Hoping for God's glory)

Mostly about my dreams. Will they ever come true?

Will I ever make it? I'm dreaming and praying for the best future.

I think about my family and someday, I know, I am gonna have my own.

Come to think of it. When the time comes, I wonder what will it be like when

I am gonna be a mother. The one who look after a child coming from your own flesh. Seeing your features together with your future husband.

I just wonder. What it feels like when you have to let your child go and find the happiness he/she wanted. That you can never ever give.

The you just have to accept the fact that your kid have a life on his/her own.

*sigh

Somehow, I am thankful that my family was whole even though it's not perfect.

It's just so hard to look at a family even though they're okay, there's someone who is missing.

The only thing that you can never change in this world was your family.

And I am so thankful for that they are always there for me.

Someday, somehow.. I know. I will have my own.

And no matter what happens, I swear.

I'll never let them be harmed. Because I will protect them.

I will give them the things and experiences that I never had.

I will give them the best. I'll dedicate my life to them.

I will never give them away. I will take care of them.

Because they are mine. My family.