Filled up with emotions...

Here I am... Looking like a friggin idiot staring at the ceiling.. Staring in my deep thoughts... Thinking of something to happen.. Hoping for something I really want to happen...

Tss... I was so Stressed out this past few days.. Wishing it would subside but, it never did.. All I could do was to sigh..

I am literally dead tired about my daily routine.. Its tedious and obviously tiring and risky for my opinion.. Based on what happened to me last time.. (SNATCH!)

Like I was in this maze and I have to think and function fast because I would be damned..

Same as old stories.. School is very stressful.. What's new about that right?

But, its hard coping up once your tired of Doing something you don't want to do for a WHILE..

Not that I grew tired of what I want in my crazy ass life.. That's not my point.. But I was trying to think a lot about the things I was tired of...

Specially my toxic sched in school..

Yes my main reason why I was staring at the blank was because of school.. Like I would explode the moment someone opened my brain up..

Been thinking a lot as always.. Sometimes I hate it.. But what could I do?

It was me.. Hmpf! Thinking and curious about so many things..


I couldn't function properly like there was no space in my life anymore... I couldn't move like I was in a cage.. Limited.. Always limited..

Don't make some criticisms to what I am saying now.. It is my heart who is talking.. Not my brain anymore.. Like finally.. Even it is so hard to understand.. At least.. I have the chance to say what is the true meaning of mixed emotions..

Hmpf... I am always open to learning.. I know I am.. I know what I am into.. But.. How could you learn with people who doesn't understand a word they are saying?

Maybe they do understand the words but do the people they teach understands it well?

Honestly.. I really hate people who have a lot to say but does not bother to make sensitive feelings about the people who is listening to them.. Ugh!

What an Ass! Makes me so irratated...

Age is not the measure of knowledge.. I believe that..

Not in a literal sense but..

Its True at one point.. Right?

Meaning.. sometimes old people or even the most intelligent person can still have the maturity of a 15 years old.. What the heck.. But its True.. And that fact is adorably stupid..

Bitterness is piled up in my brain.. Coz not all Old people is right..

What do they really know? I might be so rude about it... But the question is..

Am I speaking of the truth? Maybe..

Hmmm... What else do I want to feel this very moment..


Ahhhh.. UNFAIR...

Hmm.. Question..


Why do people think they are really lacking of courage to persue what they want?

Like me...

I have been dreaming all this time.. But where is my dream now? Is there some posibilities that maybe.. It will come true?

My answer?


NO...

What's new about me failing again with what I want..

Yeah.. Dude.. I know.. I know.. It takes time.. What the heck.. =/

Not that I am being impatient about that..

I just know.. It wouldn't help encouraging me coz I have been doing all I can..

ALL I CAN TO MAKE THIS RECKLESS DREAM POSSIBLE...

But still..

I am empty handed..

Rotten luck..

Hmpf.. Not that I am blaming someone for something I couldn't have..

If I have to blame someone right now..

The failure is mine.. And its my pleasure to take that blame..

It is a lame dream and a selfish one too...

I am asking for something that is not for me..


YET..


Its just that.. Its hard to imagine me failing and still tries hard at the end of the day.. Lying on my bed.. Still wishing and hoping that maybe there is an instant miracle.. That might save me from distress.. That would subside my depression.. But still tries for tomorrow.. Again and again..

There's a tons of things that I want.. But I am not asking for that.. No..
I never said anything about it.. And if I want something..

Then I kept my mouth shut..


Is that a bad thing to keep something that would make you upset if you already knew what its the answer if you told someone about it?


That would make me sigh alot..

Makes me cry.. Makes me upset.. Makes me lonely.. Makes me disappointed.. Makes me feel I am so helpless...


Not that I am alone or something..

I know those people who loves me and I will always be thankful that they are with me..

But not even them could help me in this trap that I am forever feeling at the same rate everyday..

Words are really noble and helpful.. But still.. Its hard.. Not to think about it..

Some thinks I am stupid for trying.. Some thinks that I am desperate..

Some thinks.. It so patient of me to wait.. Some thinks Its a dream of an Immature..

A stupid Dream..

Yeah.. I heard a lot already.. But I wonder if I will ever stop dreaming..

Still in my thoughts.. Wishing and trying it to make it possible...

Dude.. Yeah.. What the heck am I talking about.. Stupid me.. Don't laugh.. Its true.. And you know it.. We were in this library and me typing this with some tears.. But I will laugh later.. Don't worry about it... =)


Luvie?

Yeah you.. Iloveyou for always..

Second part of this is under construction.. =p





















KITINN..